An Alcoholic's Utopia

Life is rather dull at the moment.
I just graduated. However, because of some immigration misunderstanding, I can't do much here in Canada. Technically, I have no status in Canada. So, I can't work, can't study, and can't leave the country! Hence, I am stuck here in a limbo waiting for all this to be sorted out. And then, at the very least, I can make my foray into the wonderful world of labour and experience "slavery" first hand.

On that note, this is the absolute worst time to be looking for a job in the financial industry. 3 to 4 years of university education (Bachelors of Commerce) and this is what I come out to! An economic world plagued by chaos and uncertainty, with shrinkage in every corner like testicles in ice cold water! Absolute bullocks...

My days are filled with boredom compounded with more boredom. I am so desperate to do something, I volunteer to help my friends with their essays and assignments. So far I have three essays/assignment on my to-do list. And to make things worst, the public bus transit is on strike. Yes! Only in Canada would bus drivers go on strike to get a 3% pay rise and a free Big Mac for lunch. It is ridiculous. Mind you, bus drivers here get paid well, we are talking $60000 to $100 000 per year in salaries. Fuck these unionized parasites! The world is in recession and yet they expect pay rises and increased perks. They are willing to hold the city ransom, knowing that Ottawa is a student (academic) city with about 60% of its people dependent on the transit system to get about their daily life. So now, my brother has to taxi to school everyday, and I have to think twice before looking for a job. Once again, absolute bullocks...

I sound like an angry, frustrated old grandfather. But that's just it; the world is in such a mess at the moment, that it is almost compulsory for us to get angry. Anger is the best way to show we care, to sound the horn of warning. Because the moment we tell ourselves that anger and frustration is futile, then we are truly approaching the end of the tunnel, which has no return. Anger made Obama the President of the United States. And anger will fuel the much needed change in the world today. We, the citizens of the world, are sickened by the laissez-faire standards governing our governments. We are disgusted by the war and oppression happening all over the world. We are burdened by the crooked and dirty financial dealings of those money-mongering whores sitting in their leather seats and Indian Mahogany desks.

To all my fellow friends, stay angry! Turn green if you need to; just remember that you are either the stone being thrown or the ripple in the water. And they are both equally important.

Love is a wonderful thing.
It is a magical feeling, that inspires the extraordinary within us.
I remember the first time I ever fell in love.
It was beautiful. It was also simpler, since I was young and carefree. She was beautiful. Everything she did was magic, and every time we were around each other we were oozing with love-dovey cliches. Personally, it was the best relationship I had. We knew everything about each other. We barely fought or disagreed. The experience was filled with many wonderful memories. I knew it was special because everything was different with her. The kissing, the touching, the sweet talking, the bedroom antics, and even the fights were memorable. Sadly, the relationship came to an abrupt end under unforeseen circumstances. Life was forced to go on; but who could really move on after having experienced such beauty.

Fast forward to a couple of years from Miss Perfect. I fell in love again (let's call her Miss Nightmare). This time, not so magical. The impending illusion of wanting to replace the first love got the better of me. It ended up building a residue of lies into my system, turning me into a dumb idiot with a stupidity boner. I urged myself on to make it work, and more often than not, manipulated myself into thinking she was the one for me. Sure, she was pretty and all and for 3 months it was magical, but the rest of the components were heavily polluted. The scenario of a simple, carefree love story existed, but it did not last a day past 90 days. And right after, the remaining 3 years were horrifying. I was so blinded by the illusion of Miss Perfect and all the wonders she brought to the table, that I ignored everything else with Miss Nightmare - her lies, her manipulation, her nonsense, her stupidity, and every other parasite that she dragged along. I made up excuses to fuel my love for her, yet deep down inside I was convinced that something was terribly wrong here. Finally, after 3 years of childish nonsense, it is over. I managed to pull myself out of this quicksand of utter rubbish and now, she is mainly a stain on the ceiling. I have seen the light, thankfully.

I guess my point in all of this is that sometimes, the yearning to find "the one" overrides common sense and human rationality that it makes us weak, and takes us down a self-destructive path. I can admit that I will never get over Miss Perfect, more so given the unfortunate ending to our relationship. But the lesson I have learnt is that every woman is different, and hence, I must love them differently. No woman is ever going to replace Miss Perfect. She might be all I know of love, and my true definition of love. But she is gone, she is merely a memory, as good as it was. And I must not allow these memories to dictate my feelings and emotions, as I have over the last 3 years, making a whole cluster-fuck with Miss Nightmare. Because frankly, if it was not for the lasting love I had for Miss Perfect, Miss Nightmare would have simply been a casual fling on my wall of shame. Instead, here I am, lamenting the bullcrap I went through over the last 3 years.

Nonetheless, it makes for a good conversational/blog piece.

The world is dying; slowly but surely.

2008 was a disaster.

The economy was effectively flushed down by the glorified greed of the American capitalism.

Africa continued it's trend of civil wars and politcal unrest, proving once again that democracy is merely black ink on yellow recycled paper.

The Chinese continued to oppress the Tibetans, along with everything else in its path.

The India-Pakistan relationship was reduced to a few Hollywood-inspired gunmen gunning for blood and destruction.

And once again, the world was at the mercy of the Americans, a superpower led by a redneck with daddy issues.

On a more personal level, it was a year where I witnessed many relationships turn to dust. At any given time, somebody was cheating on someone I know. It was brutal watching my friends wallow in sorrow and pity.

Hence, 2009 could only get better.

Once the dust has settled, there can only be some glimpse of a new dawn.

Everyone is bracing for a better year, with some placing the burden on the shoulders of Obama, the man who preach of Hope and Change.

However, the Gaza Strip seems to have cast a dark cloud over the new dawn. The Israeli continue to fight for the land promised by God, while the Palestinians resist the invaders to keep their homes. And the world says nothing, the world does nothing. Blood is not red until it stains the white of our retinas.

Personal opinion: people are way too fucking concerned with who is right and who is wrong; hence forgetting what is right and what is wrong.

Unfortunately, the world is fueled by the power of money and influence, without any sense of morality or principles attached to it.

Here's to a less depressing 2009, with some promise of hope, change, love, peace, and unity.
CHEERS!

Poker - it is just a pack of cards and a stack of chips.

"That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the doors, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are."